she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
