i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
