she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
