I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize