When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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