Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize