Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
