I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
