stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
