The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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