I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize