Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
