he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
