I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
