if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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