just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
