hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
