the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
