my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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