a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
