You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
