perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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