I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
