so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
