I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
