I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize