OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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