I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
