This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
