toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
