i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
