Soap is not a condiment
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
