Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
