Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
