The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ladies don't puke and tell
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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