you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
