If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
