ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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