ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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