3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
