Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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