i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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