I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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