i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
