I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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