After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
