my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
