It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize