bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize