R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
