last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
