if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize