Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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