Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
