it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
