I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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