We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
