saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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