it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
