You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
