At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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