We're like a lot better than the average bears
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
