only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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