I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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